The restaurant is lit . A sign on which is written « Italian Spaghetti ( e Altro ancora ) Restaurant. Established 1968 .3 stars . Won the Venus,Uranus and the Sun awards. Inside, two tables.
One occupied by Jackie. The other empty , without a sheet , nor a fork. A corner bar and behind it Nico. Anika is wearing a black wig and will be referred to as the waitress. Clock indicating 7 p.m .Enter Tonino and stops by Jackie’s table.
—Tonino : ( eyes Jackie with a flirtatious look) . “
Excuse my rudeness but I cannot resist passing by , without saying ‘ What a pretty coquette you are . Let’s have a bite together.(Jackie is flattered and inflates herself with pride , like the ego of a peacock when fanning her feathers.
— Jackie: “ Thanks but I am awaiting someone. Perhaps another day . “. ( Tonino goes to his table and Nico approches Jackie’s table . ).
— Nico: “ Can I offer a knockout cocktail for a stunning lady ? “.
— Jackie: “ What do you suggest. “
— Nico: “ Perhaps a screw driver or a sex on the beach , even better , a blow up or an orgasm cocktail ? . “
— Jackie: ( shocked and blushing) You know , you are a rude barman. What about a hanky-panky. I suggest that you wrap your cock round your tail and fuck off before you get a Bloody Mary Punch . “
— Nico: “ But they are all names of Cocktails. I did not invent them . You got the wrong end of the stick. “.
— Jackie : “ Oh I see . In that case , I am sorry. Will make it up for you one day ! Give me the drink list.( Nico hands it over and Jackie starts reading aloud) “ You can’t bring back the dead ! A corpse revival ? Who drinks such morbific cocktails ?. Get me a corpse revival , so that my spirited blood veins ,start pumping my heart.”(Dick arrives and sits next to his wife.)
— Dick: “ Young chap, what drink do you suggest for me ? . “.
—Nico: “ A widow’s kiss or a cherry bitch .Or even better ,a frog in a blender . “.
—Dick : “ Sounds good . Let it croak like a crow ,and be stiff and well shaken. “ ( Nico leaves after handing them the ‘a la carte menu’ . )
___ Dick: “ What an expensive restaurant. Darling, order only an entrée. “ .
—- Waitress: “ Ready to order ? . “. —- Jackie: “ For me , only a soufflé of coquille St. Jacques with tartare sauce . “.
—-Dick : “ I’ll have a coq au vin. What do you suggest as a sweet course ? . “.
—-Waitress: “ For Madam, Tarte Tatin. For you sir, a spotted dick.”(she goes to Tonino).
—- Tonino: ( Contemplating her) “ You look familiar ! Have we met somewhere before?.”
—Waitress: “ Perhaps in your wet dreams . Are you ready to order? .
—- Tonino : “ First, I wanna sheet on the table . “
—- Waitress:” If you wanna shit,go to bathroom.”
— Tonino: “ I said sheet , not shit .Now I wanna fork on table .”
—Waitress: If you wanna fuck, go to bed . “
—- Tonino : “ I said fork not fuck . I give up.Just go and get me spaghetti .( Lights lit Jackie and Dick ‘s table ).
—- Jackie: “ You’ve been naughty last night . “.
—- Dick :” I was just exploring your body . I give up . Where is it ? “ .
—-Jackie : “ Don’t you ever dare do this again , or it’s all over. When you were a small boy, did you have any sexual deviations . (Silence) Why you don’t answer ? . “ (. The waitress brigs the food to both tables. . ) .
—— Tonino: (While eating, he discovers a piece of hair in the spaghetti, and starts shouting ) “ Three stars, my bottom foot . Call the manager. Found a hair in the pasta . ( Nico rushes to his table , while playing the Accordion and singing. .)
——Nico: “ Fortuna…Fortuna . First time since 50 years . ( addressing Tonino) Why all this fuss ? It’s only a piece of hair . Must eat all the dish , or your luck will fly from the window. “.
—— Tonino: “ How can I ? Could have come from any part ! . From the hair, the moustache or the pubic area . “ . ( Nico insists and all the clientèle are clapping and shouting ‘ Eat ..Eat. ‘ Tonino has no choice and reluctantly starts eating , amid the laughter of the clientèle) .”
—— Nico : ( continues singing and playing the accordion ). Mangia tutto o no Fortuna…Bon appetito… It’s only an angel’s hair… Last night,it was a cockroach … in a cock-a – leekie soup… Cockroach tastes très bon…between crispy duck and coq au vin . “ —- Dick: ( shouting ) “ Basta. Pasta . Lost my appetito . Cock-doodle -do . “. ( Once everything calm down, Nico brings a paper on a silver plate and places it in front of Tonino.”
—-Tonino: “ What is this ? An apology ? “ .
—- Nico: “ No sir, it’s the Conto.”
—-Tonino: ( angrily) Stuffy young barman, I ain’t gonna pay. You know where to stuff it”. ( Tonino leaves from the back door of the restaurant, which is adjacent to the pool. Soon after , Jackie and Dick leave . Followed by the waitress . After cleaning the tables, Nico close the lights and leaves from the back door. After few seconds, the pool is dimly lit ,and Nico, perceives the silhouette of Tonino kneeling down ,and kissing the lower part of a woman’s silhouette. ).
—— Nico: “ For one piece of hair in spaghetti , you no pay the bill ! Now , I see you munching lots of hair ! . “
—— Tonino : “ True, but if I do find , one piece of spaghetti in her bushy pussy, this lady ain’t gonna be paid . !
( to be continued ) .