The corner of the pool is lit. Two tables. One is occupied by Jackie. The other is empty. Enter Tonino.
As he passes by Jackie ‘s table , he hesitates then goes to her . .
—-Tonino: “ Hi. How are you doing? . Excuse my rudeness last night. I complimented you, for you have this ‘ Je ne sais quoi ‘ about you. May I join you? ( Jackie approves by nodding.) Cheer up. You look slightly pale . Signs of unhappiness, Déjà ? .
—-Jackie: “ Sort of . Tell me . After eating the spaghetti last night , did you have Diarrhea ?
—-Tonino : “ Sort of . I went for a walk , and was dripping liquid and farting all the way . A couple asked me for directions to a good restaurant . I told them ‘ just keep following the trail and smell .’ By the way , my name is Tonino. I am single and still on the lookout for the ideal partner. A Psychologist by profession. I help people overcome their fears and emotions.
—- Jackie:” That’s What I need right now .My name is Jackie and I am about to divorce . Can I trust you ? .
—-Tonino:” Blindly Madam, as a blind date . There won’t be any exposure.Speak your heart and I’ll heal your pain.
—-Jackie:” ( hesitating at first) . You seem to be a nice person, unless you are masquerading behind this innocent face . I’ll tell you my storyline in a nutshell. Being of doubtful charm and an uncertain age, I joined a marriage bureau . I was introduced to a lot of men . Unfortunately, they all wanted to have a jolly good time, with no intention of marrying. “.
— Tonino:” Shockingly outrée. You are a beauty belle, charming and elegant . What happened next? “ .
—- Jackie:” I gave up and went to the naked attraction show and picked my husband. But alas, my honeymoon was a mixture of sour honey and an eclipsed moon . “
—Tonino:” Where you not shy to be naked ? . “.
—-Jackie:” Not at all . It breaks the ice . You get what you see. Did you know that most women , like men with hairy chests, tattoos and clean toes ? And preferably someone who has not been circumcised. “.
— Tonino:” Like me . I believe that you should not cut , and skin peel , a piece which is there for a reason. Why is that? Is it ignorance ? . “.
—-Jackie:” Precisely . The friction of the foreskin, rubbing against the clitoris, stimulates a woman to reach an ecstatic thrilling orgasm . Same thing with sucking a clean toe . Married women with children , prefer a longer one , to stimulate the stretched Vagina . What about you . Tell me something about your sex life ? . “.
___ Tonino : “ I came from the Vagina ,and that’s where I would like to be , or at least a part of me . I feel warm and at home when there . But , after the removal of my prostate, my organ is hanging down as a decoration . To compensate, my speciality now , is making women happy , by kissing their clitoris , and make them reach an emotional and spiritual orgasm ,which they never experienced before . “
—-Jackie:” It’s genial . From now on , I will not make love to anyone , unless first , they kiss me down below, and be on top. “.
—-Tonino:” One should never marry for beauty or security, for with time, beauty fades and security busts. It’s a cold blooded union without emotions . Couples must walk the extra mile ,to bring joy and success to each other . As Shakespeare used to say ‘ Love is boundless. The more you give , the more you get. Love goes by haps. Some kill with arrows , some with traps . . “.
—- Jackie:” Oh . I wish I was Juliette and you Romeo . “.
—-Tonino:” And I Othello and you Desdemona . “
—- Jackie:” Marriage is like a pack of cards . It starts with a diamond ring and two loving hearts , and ends up with one holding a club, and the other a spade. Look at me . I thought I played my cards right , and what did I get? a joker and a slam . Besides, he smells like a pig . Not worth marrying for just a piece of sausage . Imagine . When arrived at the Hotel, he refused to carry me over the threshold. ‘ I get hernia ‘ he said ! “ .
—- Tonino:” I wish he did. He needs bigger balls.”
—-Jackie:” He keeps telling me ‘ I am cold in bed ‘ .
—Tonino: “ In this case , you should transfer your libido elsewhere.Would you like to have a second opinion ? . “.
— Jackie:” You make me blush . We still don’t know each other well . Tell me . Did you ever deflower a virgin ? .”
—- Tonino:” I have been asked . But did it extremely gently, over a period of a couple days . Are you an adventurous woman ? . “
—-Jackie:” With proper stimulation, I might have the inclination . “ .
___ Tonino: “ Good. Now that we have established the interest, let us develop the relationship . Look at my eyes and tell me frankly ‘ Do you like to have me as a husband, a lover or a friend”.
— Jackie:” Can I have the three together ! . “
—- Tonino:” That’s what I wanted to hear. A successful marriage should include the three persons into one . “
—Jackie:” Do you think, I will be lonely if I separate from my husband? “ .
—Tonino:”. Look at the sun and the moon . Before separating , they were married . Now , they rise and set separately . At first, you will feel as a lonely crescent , but the eclipse doesn’t last long. Once you grow into a full moon, thousands of suitors will serenade you , like the twinkling stars flirting with the moon . As to your sun husband, he will be burning with jealousy and regret . “.
—- Jackie:” How nicely said. I wish I was born hermaphrodite and thus be self – fucking . “ .
—- Tonino:” Gone are the days of Platonic flirtations , and the charm surrounding it . Nowadays, at the least contact, you are sued for sexual harassment. Why are you eying my arm ? “ .
—- Jackie:” I just noticed a scar . How did you get it ? “ .
—- Tonino:” I had two car accidents in Arabia . In the first accident, a Jewish doctor saved my life by giving me his own blood , same type as mine . I gave him a Ferrari car. A year after, I had a second accident , and the same doctor gave me his blood again and saved my life. But this time , I gave him nothing . When asked why , I told him ‘ because now I have Jewish blood . “
—-Jackie:” Very funny . Once , I went to a Bistro in Paris . I told the waitress that I wanted to spend a penny . She did not understand . I said to her ‘ Me want to spend a sou . Where is the Lou ? . I went to the toilet and got locked. I tried to get out, by putting my foot on the toilet roll, which true to it’s function did revolve, sending me crashing into the toilet hole . I smelled of a fragrance never smelt before . When I went back to the bistro, people asked me the name of this sweet smelling scent . I told them ‘ Kaka Lou ,and you can order it at www. ccc.com ‘ . ( suddenly and without being seen, Jackie saw her husband going to the reception. She quickly stands up and says )
—Jackie:” Oh sorry . I have to leave . Enjoyed our tête à tête causerie . Will continue our gossiping chat , some other time. Will let you know where and when .
( To be continued. )