[ The office of the Secret Service of the Kingdom of Tabra . Arabia . Colonel Baba Ali , nom de plume ‘ Abu Rak ‘ , nom de guerre ‘ The destroyer ‘ , has been appointed , by a royal decree , as Head of the SS , after the disappearance of Sahib , the ex-Chief .
On his desk , made from human bones , there is a humidor box full of Romeo y Julieta Churchill Cuban Cigars . Next to it , a bottle of XO Rémy Martin Louis XIII Cognac .
He takes a cigar from the box , and in a slow ritual , he first cuts it , smells it , and then dips it in his crystal glass of cognac and starts smoking , while munching on it . His red phone rings . It’s the King . He gets nervous . ].
— King : “ ( commanding ) Stand up . Walk retro-backwards . Drag your feet towards the door , like a moon walk , and kiss the handle as if it’s my divine hand , as is customary . “ . \
— Col. “ Yes your Majesty “ [ While still sitting , he makes a rude gesture with his middle finger and points it towards the King ‘s photo hanging from the wall ] .
— King : “ I’ve got another secretive trivial matter for you to hush- hush .The incident happened , when the Crown Prince , went downtown , incognito . He was recognized by a crowd . who approached to salute him . Suffering from a fear phobia , he thought , they were, a hashish mob assassins . Panicking , he snapped , sprayed them with a machine gun and run . Last time , I promoted you to Colonel , ‘ cause you covered the shit on the pissing incident . This time , when this deed is done , I’ll promote you to Brigadier . “ .
— Col. : “ I’m your humble servant . Consider it already dead and buried . “ .
— King : “ How many undercover operatives , have we , working for espionage ? , and are the masses under control ? “ .
— Col : “ Two millions , out of a population of eight millions . Each household is almost covered . We know what goes on in each house . Their minds are brain washed , and their mouths muzzled . “ .
— King : “ How are , our exclusive V.I.P. , Boutique Hotels doing ? . “ .
— Col. : “ Fully booked . We give our sub tenants , the all inclusive treatments , such as the. ‘ Tablitta ‘,and the Palestinian chair hanging technique . “ .
— King: “ How long does it take ? . “.
— Col. : “ Within less than an hour , they start singing ‘ wicky-wacky- wah-wah wee . We give them , a permanent clipping treatment , of fingers and toes . Some of them , even thank us , for saving them money , since they’ve no more nails to polish . “ .
— King : “ Bravo . But why name those Black prisons as V.I.P Boutiques ? . “
— Col. : “ So as not to attract attention . V.I.P , stands for ‘ Visiting International Prisoners ‘ .’ Boutique ‘ is chopped into two , ‘ Boot and tic ‘ meaning , that we kick them with the Boots and they tic douloureux . After the closure of the Guantanamo detention center and other facilities in the USA and Europe , all foreign suspects are sent to us . Our Budget is one billion , paid to us , by Countries who wish to camouflage their record of torture , and appear clean , in the eyes of Amnesty International and the Human Rights Organisations . “
— King:” Any progress in the affair of Sahib ? . “ .
— Col : “ It’s still a fluid situation . We have arrested the agent of the Eve Club in Paris . She’s a tough nut , but we succeeded to break her within minutes. She started singing , and gave us , the address and the name of the owner . The Club is located in the Pigalle district , next to the Moulin Rouge . The owner’s name is Arabella . Sometimes , she uses the alias ‘ Annabella ‘ . I will choose an elite death squad of two and leave with them to Paris tonight . To be cautious , I booked three separate massages with false European names . Just in case , I’ll hide a tiny revolver , somewhere in my body , to avoid detection . “ .
— King : “ Be discreet . Act and react in a radioactive way , so as not to be seen or smelt . Don’t forget to take with you a briefcase full of decapitating devices . Go with my full blessings . “ .
[ Eve Club . Paris . Arabella is monitoring a T.V. Screen in her boudoir . She sees the three clients enter the club separately and within minutes from each other , and carrying attaché cases . They are escorted to the waiting salon room . She notices that they are short with a dark complexion and do not look Europeans . She gets suspicious . They seem agitated , like lizards , warning of the presence of crocodiles . She picks up the phone and dials the reception ] .
— Arabella : “ Listen well to what I’m gonna say . Do not start the massages before taking and locking their briefcases . Let them sign the four new rules of our respectable institute , which are : No blow job or semen swallowing . No anal intercourse . The right of the Escort to refuse a client , who will get a refund . All clients must enter the rooms stark naked . Also , send one of my bodyguards to my boudoir . [ Enter guard ] .
— Arabella : “ Hide quickly under the bed . If I do sense danger , I’ll shout ‘ Fuck off ‘ . You will press this button below the bed , to release my hands and foot cuffs .
[ After he hides , Arabella sprays artificial snow on the water mattress .Enter the Colonel naked] .
— Arabella: “ Welcome to the Club . Sit and let’s get acquainted. Shall I open a Dom Perignon Champagne to toast the stars ? . “ .
— Col : ( sniffles) “ No . I prefer a tea pot covered with a tea cosy . You know . You’re bee- utiful and bee-yond description with a mis-teeq quality ! . “ .
— Arabella: “ You need to check your eyesight . I’m neither beautiful, nor beyond description. Perhaps an air of mystique secrecy surrounds me . Flattery gets you nowhere . You can’t cajole me with sweet talk . Are you married ? , any children ? . “ .
— Col : “ I’m like a seahorse . For eight hours , I danced with my wife underwater while holding tails . It was magical . She deposited her eggs in my pouch . I got pregnant . Imagine , after only ten days , I delivered 16 miniature babies . What about you ? . “ .
— Arabella: “ You’re kidding . I am like a hermaphrodite. Self – fucking.”. I’m joking . Now tell me honestly about yourself. “ .
— Col : “ When I married , I gave my wife half my heart and all my fortune . We had a toxic liaison , swinging between hate and love . Love is never everlasting . When romance is gone , love disappears like a puff . Love is a fleeting moment , enjoy it while it lasts . At the end , she cheated on me and disappeared with her lover and my money . I felt like shit , and cleaned the debris . “ .
— Arabella : “ sorry to hear that . A loose tongue is like a loose cannon, firing bad words instead of balls . Where they fall , they cause irreparable damage . People should never gossip . If they hear a secret , they must dish the dirt and swallow it , rather than hurt someone or break the marriage. Are you happy now and what’s your strongest link? .” .
—Col. : “ As happy as a dog who has just eaten his owner , or a cat who ate a canary . My forte is when I succeed to break an innocent terrorist . When you’re broken and standing on a quicksand in the desert , don’t let it swallow you . Keep your sang froid . Rebound and rise again like an Arabian Phoenix . I am fearless but sometimes I flirt with fear to feel the agony of the hunted , who is being chased by the hunter in the wild . How is business with you ? .”
—Arabella: “ On the downside. With this new law , of injecting , all married men with a DNA solution , so that the privy , does not rise , except when in contact with the DNA of his wife . Also , with this economic crisis , the law allows up to three couples to live together as a family , in order to be able to survive . But there is a trap . They can’t have sex , and must adopt children . I know many couples who live together as friends in a platonic relationship . Wives who hate sex , prefer to adopt , to keep their shape and avoid the agony of pregnancy .Now that we are well acquainted , let us start . As agreed , I will lie down on my back , in a star fish position , so as not to drown . You can bind my arms and legs to the 4 posters of the bed . I do not understand what pleasure you get , except being insecure , you wish to dominate and be in control . For you , girls are like Barbies . You play with them and then toss them aside . Up yours .” [ After handcuffing her and binding her legs , he goes and lies on top of her . ]
— Col. : “ Am I just a number to you ?. How do you feel ?.”
— Arabella : “ Just numb from frequency . Let me tell you a joke so you warm up . What is the more you play with it , the harder it gets ? . Solve the riddle , you get a medal ! . “ .
— Col :” You naughty girl . It’s obvious . A male sex organ . Where’s my medal ! “ .
—Arabella : “ Wrong you dirty minded . It’s a slogan video game Ad.for SEGA computers .” .
— Col. : “ It’s O.K , poke fun at me . Wanna play with my joystick ? . “ .
— Arabella : “ I would if you were a pilot . You’re freaking me out . What’s taking you so long ? You’re poking into my privacy and breathing down my neck . Fuck or buzz off .” .
— Col. : “ I can’t stick it up . I forgot to tell you . I also took the DNA injection . In addition , I suffer from testicular murmur . I brought with me a tambour . I wanted to drum , hoping it will rise ,but you confiscated it . “ .
—Arabella: “ Oh . It’s my fault now . I have an idea . Why not , instead , you chatouille mon ventre , and tickle my bellybutton with your little finger ! . “ . [ He does . After that , he slowly moves his right hand behind his back , and removes the tiny revolver hidden inside his anus and points it at Arabella’s head . ]
— Col. : “ The charade is over . Tell me , where Sahib is or I’ll blow your pretty face to pieces . “ .
— Arabella: “ I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Don’t vent your anger on me . I don’t shy away from anyone . You dummy . “ .
— Col. : “ Don’t lie to me . You were the last person to see him . I will count to six and then shoot . “ .
—-Arabella: “ You will go to prison and sing a chained melody . Calm down and lower your pitch level. Will you negotiate , if I tell you that he’s still alive ? “
—- Col. : “ Not at all . You take me for a fool . Say something before I shoot . “.
— Arabella: [ yelling ] “ Fuck Off . “ . [ From under the bed , the bodyguard , presses the button to unlock the handcuffs . Now freed , Arabella bites his hand . The revolver falls and a bullet is fired . Arabella and the Col. Start wrestling, like two Japanese Sumo wrestlers . The Colonel punch her on the nose . She starts bleeding , and her red blood starts to flow on the white snow . As the bodyguard is about to come out , from under the bed , it collapsed on him . Suddenly the door opens and the two men of the Colonel enter naked . From below , the bodyguard shoots at them . They fall and are neutralized .
— Arabella : “ Now that your posse undercover men are dead . Surrender .” [ He does . She then takes him to the Dudgeon . Sahib is hanging upside down . ] .
— Arabella : “ Colonel . If Sahib is freed , he’ll take your place . I will let you live on one condition . You have to kill Sahib yourself while we film you . Then you will go back to Tabra with the three corpses , and tell your King that they died as heroes during a shoot out to liberate Sahib . To sell the story , we have to shoot you somewhere. Trust us , it won’t be deadly . You will become our agent in Tabra , and whenever you visit Paris , your treatments will be complimentary .
[ The Colonel is left with no choice but to nod . End of Part V . ]