[Virtual overview of a semi-deserted area on the outskirts of London].
There is a Cemetery and attached to it, a small black building, which has a sign ,on which is imprinted “ Mortuary and Funeral Parlor “ , and underneath which is written “ Stairway to Heaven or Hell “ . “ For a quick burial or cremation, contact the undertaker at 666666. “ .
Nearby, there is a small Park . It’s snowing and dogs are barking . Camera moves inside the building. A clock indicating 6pm .
A 30 years old Mortician named Dig is sitting on a sofa , in front of an open coffin, and listening to a funeral record playing “ Time to say goodbye “.
Suddenly , he hears the noise of a screeching car . He rushes outside , and finds a beautiful blonde girl, lying in the street, and next to her , a small suitcase . [He carries both the motionless girl and the suitcase inside].
—- Dig : ( while trying to revive her with a kiss of life) “ What a jerk and an ass behind a wheel. To hit such a pretty girl and run without ethics . Don’t you worry my angel . I will beautify you, and put you in the coffin (he coughs) . Do you hear me ? . If you are still there , give a sign ? . ( a fart is heard .
He bends down and smells himself .) Oh , it’s mine , from the chili con carne , I ate last night . “
[He starts undressing her slowly , lights candles, puts her gently inside the coffin and jumps inside the coffin . He tries to sleep but the barking dogs are preventing him . He jumps from the coffin , goes to the fridge , takes out pieces of meat , mix them with arsenic , goes outside and spread them around the house .
He goes back and jumps in the coffin . No more barking . He falls asleep. Time indicating 6 am . Dig awakes , dresses up for his morning exercise, put the lights off , and starts jogging towards the Park ( while music from birds is playing ) .
The room is semi dark and Psycho music is playing . Suddenly, a shrieking scream is heard , followed by stretched hands from the coffin . The girl opens her eyes widely ,switch on the lights ,and runs out of the house . Camera now moves to the Park, which is empty , except for a bench on which is sitting a girl , rocking a pram. ].
—- Dig : “ Hi . What are you doing so early in the morning ? , What a pretty baby . Is it yours ? “ .
—- Paris : “ Hi . I was supposed to meet my twin sister last evening . I work as au pair for a famous Detective .I am, half French , half Danish . “.
—-Dig : “ And you have the charm of both Nationalities . You know , you remind me of a girl I met . My name is Dig . I live round the corner . May I join you ? . “
—- Paris : “ Of course . Enchanté. My name is Paris and this baby girl is Chelsea . What do you do for living , if I may ask ? . “.
—- Dig : “ I am a Mortician . “
—- Paris : “ You shoot like a Mortar. Bang…Boom ? . “
—-Dig: “ I bury them , after they are shot . “
—Paris:” How morbid ! . “.
—- Dig:” Have you ever seen a dead face ? An experience you’ll never forget . “.
—- Paris : Oh yes . I would love to. Can I? (baby starts crying) Must change her diaper.”
—-Dig : “ It’s cold here, let’s go to my place . I see you shivering and you look pale . Is anything wrong ? .”
—Paris:” No. I just badly need a smoke . Let’s go and see the expression of the dead face . “ [ Dig , Paris and the baby stroll back to the house . Dig opens the door and is surprised to notice that the lights are on . ]
—Dig : “ Strange . I’m sure , I left the lights off . Doesn’t matter.Let’s sit & get acquainted.” [ With shaking hands, Paris , nervously, rolls a cigarette].
—Dig : “ Don’t you want to change the baby first ? “
—- Paris : “ It can wait . Let it ferment in it’s own shitty juice . [ she puffs the smoke in Dig’s face and her pupils dilate”]
—- Dig:” What a strange smell . I already feel dizzy. You naughty girl . Is it what I think ? “.
— Paris : Just shut up and show me the corpse .[They both approach the coffin .]
—Dig: “ Close your eyes for the shock of your life . [ he removes the sheet ]
—Dig ( astonished “ Must have left the door open . Fuck those corpse snatchers . It’s immoral to desecrate a morgue . “
— Paris : You are a funny man . What a morass technique to lure me into your den . Go and make me a hot cup of tea , and then join me on the sofa .[ Paris opens her bag, takes out a needle and injects herself .Dig returns ] .I feel so cold . My heart is pacing . Let’s have the fuck of the century. [ Dig starts massaging her , leading eventually to kissing. Before attempting to make love , Paris screams with foam coming out of her mouth and dies from overdose. Baby starts to cry.]
—- Dig : Oh my God . Can’t do that to me babe . It’s not fair . Let me try to revive you with a Swedish massage . Did I hear a post-Morten fart ? Probably not .
It’s my imagination going shilly- shally. Let me first get rid of her body and then I’ll deal with the baby . “ [ He carries Paris’s corpse and puts her inside the empty coffin and closes it .
He then goes to the crying baby , takes her size measurement , and then goes outside to the cemetery and starts digging a small hole . [He then takes the baby from the pram , lowers her inside the hole .]
—- Dig : “ Not deep enough . [ He returns , puts back the baby in the pram and dials a number . ]
— Dig:” Hi Mum . ( speaking fast as asking a question ) “ How can anyone kill a child ? “ .
— Voice of mum :” Simple. Just submerge him in the bath tub for a few minutes . “ .
— Dig : “ ( speaking slowly with a tender voice ) No mum . You misunderstood me . I said ‘ How … can ..you ..kill ..a baby.”
—-Voice of Mum : “ Are you trying to tell me something ? . “
— Dig : “ Do you remember , how you used to tell me , after your menopause, that you regretted for not begetting a daughter for me to play with ? Well , I just adopted a teeny tot toy . Don’t tell anyone about it . It will be our hidden secret . I will bring her to you in the darkness of the night . “ .
—- Voice of Mum: Hooray . Hurry, so I can suckle you both at the same time . “ [ Happy music playing . END OF Act 1 ]
Hi . What are you doing so early in the morning ? , What a pretty baby . Is it yours ? “ .
—- Paris : “ Hi . I was supposed to meet my twin sister last evening . I work as au pair for a famous Detective .I am, half French , half Danish . “.
—-Dig : “ And you have the charm of both Nationalities . You know , you remind me of a girl I met . My name is Dig . I live round the corner . May I join you ? . “
—- Paris : “ Of course . Enchanté. My name is Paris and this baby girl is Chelsea . What do you do for living , if I may ask ? . “.
—- Dig : “ I am a Mortician . “
—- Paris : “ You shoot like a Mortar. Bang…Boom ? . “
—-Dig: “ I bury them , after they are shot . “
—Paris:” How morbid ! . “.
—- Dig:” Have you ever seen a dead face ? An experience you’ll never forget . “.
—- Paris : Oh yes . I would love to. Can I? (baby starts crying) Must change her diaper.”
—-Dig : “ It’s cold here, let’s go to my place . I see you shivering and you look pale . Is anything wrong ? .”
—Paris:” No. I just badly need a smoke . Let’s go and see the expression of the dead face . “ [ Dig , Paris and the baby stroll back to the house . Dig opens the door and is surprised to notice that the lights are on . ]
—Dig : “ Strange . I’m sure , I left the lights off . Doesn’t matter.Let’s sit & get acquainted.” [ With shaking hands, Paris , nervously, rolls a cigarette].
—Dig : “ Don’t you want to change the baby first ? “
—- Paris : “ It can wait . Let it ferment in it’s own shitty juice . [ she puffs the smoke in Dig’s face and her pupils dilate”]
—- Dig:” What a strange smell . I already feel dizzy. You naughty girl . Is it what I think ? “.
— Paris : Just shut up and show me the corpse .[They both approach the coffin .]
—Dig: “ Close your eyes for the shock of your life . [ he removes the sheet ]
—Dig ( astonished “ Must have left the door open . Fuck those corpse snatchers . It’s immoral to desecrate a morgue . “
— Paris : You are a funny man . What a morass technique to lure me into your den . Go and make me a hot cup of tea , and then join me on the sofa .[ Paris opens her bag, takes out a needle and injects herself .Dig returns ] .I feel so cold . My heart is pacing . Let’s have the fuck of the century. [ Dig starts massaging her , leading eventually to kissing. Before attempting to make love , Paris screams with foam coming out of her mouth and dies from overdose. Baby starts to cry.]
—- Dig : Oh my God . Can’t do that to me babe . It’s not fair . Let me try to revive you with a Swedish massage . Did I hear a post-Morten fart ? Probably not . It’s my imagination going shilly- shally. Let me first get rid of her body and then I’ll deal with the baby . “ [ He carries Paris’s corpse and puts her inside the empty coffin and closes it . He then goes to the crying baby , takes her size measurement , and then goes outside to the cemetery and starts digging a small hole . He then takes the baby from the pram , lowers her inside the hole .]
—- Dig : “ Not deep enough . [ He returns , puts back the baby in the pram and dials a number . ]
— Dig:” Hi Mum . ( speaking fast as asking a question ) “ How can anyone kill a child ? “ .
— Voice of mum :” Simple. Just submerge him in the bath tub for a few minutes . “ .
— Dig : “ ( speaking slowly with a tender voice ) No mum . You misunderstood me . I said ‘ How … can ..you ..kill ..a baby.”
—-Voice of Mum : “ Are you trying to tell me something ? . “
— Dig : “ Do you remember , how you used to tell me , after your menopause, that you regretted for not begetting a daughter for me to play with ? Well , I just adopted a teeny tot toy . Don’t tell anyone about it . It will be our hidden secret . I will bring her to you in the darkness of the night . “ .
—- Voice of Mum: Hooray . Hurry, so I can suckle you both at the same time . “ [ Happy music playing . END OF Act 1 ]
Camera now moves to the Park, which is empty , except for a bench on which is sitting a girl , rocking a pram. ].
—- Dig : “ Hi . What are you doing so early in the morning ? , What a pretty baby . Is it yours ? “ .
—- Paris : “ Hi . I was supposed to meet my twin sister last evening . I work as au pair for a famous Detective .I am, half French , half Danish . “.
—-Dig : “ And you have the charm of both Nationalities . You know , you remind me of a girl I met . My name is Dig . I live round the corner . May I join you ? . “
—- Paris : “ Of course . Enchanté. My name is Paris and this baby girl is Chelsea . What do you do for living , if I may ask ? . “.
—- Dig : “ I am a Mortician . “
—- Paris : “ You shoot like a Mortar. Bang…Boom ? . “
—-Dig: “ I bury them , after they are shot . “
—Paris:” How morbid ! . “.
—- Dig:” Have you ever seen a dead face ? An experience you’ll never forget . “.
—- Paris : Oh yes . I would love to. Can I? (baby starts crying) Must change her diaper.”
—-Dig : “ It’s cold here, let’s go to my place . I see you shivering and you look pale . Is anything wrong ? .”
—Paris:” No. I just badly need a smoke . Let’s go and see the expression of the dead face . “ [ Dig , Paris and the baby stroll back to the house . Dig opens the door and is surprised to notice that the lights are on . ]
—Dig : “ Strange . I’m sure , I left the lights off . Doesn’t matter.Let’s sit & get acquainted.” [ With shaking hands, Paris , nervously, rolls a cigarette].
—Dig : “ Don’t you want to change the baby first ? “
—- Paris : “ It can wait . Let it ferment in it’s own shitty juice . [ she puffs the smoke in Dig’s face and her pupils dilate”]
—- Dig:” What a strange smell . I already feel dizzy. You naughty girl . Is it what I think ? “.
— Paris : Just shut up and show me the corpse .[They both approach the coffin .]
—Dig: “ Close your eyes for the shock of your life . [ he removes the sheet ]
—Dig ( astonished “ Must have left the door open . Fuck those corpse snatchers . It’s immoral to desecrate a morgue . “
— Paris : You are a funny man . What a morass technique to lure me into your den . Go and make me a hot cup of tea , and then join me on the sofa .[ Paris opens her bag, takes out a needle and injects herself .Dig returns ] .I feel so cold . My heart is pacing . Let’s have the fuck of the century. [ Dig starts massaging her , leading eventually to kissing. Before attempting to make love , Paris screams with foam coming out of her mouth and dies from overdose. Baby starts to cry.]
—- Dig : Oh my God . Can’t do that to me babe . It’s not fair . Let me try to revive you with a Swedish massage . Did I hear a post-Morten fart ? Probably not . It’s my imagination going shilly- shally. Let me first get rid of her body and then I’ll deal with the baby . “ [ He carries Paris’s corpse and puts her inside the empty coffin and closes it . He then goes to the crying baby , takes her size measurement , and then goes outside to the cemetery and starts digging a small hole . He then takes the baby from the pram , lowers her inside the hole .]
—- Dig : “ Not deep enough . [ He returns , puts back the baby in the pram and dials a number . ]
— Dig:” Hi Mum . ( speaking fast as asking a question ) “ How can anyone kill a child ? “ .
— Voice of mum :” Simple. Just submerge him in the bath tub for a few minutes . “ .
— Dig : “ ( speaking slowly with a tender voice ) No mum . You misunderstood me . I said ‘ How … can ..you ..kill ..a baby.”
—-Voice of Mum : “ Are you trying to tell me something ? . “
— Dig : “ Do you remember , how you used to tell me , after your menopause, that you regretted for not begetting a daughter for me to play with ? Well , I just adopted a teeny tot toy . Don’t tell anyone about it . It will be our hidden secret . I will bring her to you in the darkness of the night . “ .
—- Voice of Mum: Hooray . Hurry, so I can suckle you both at the same time . “
[ Happy music playing . END OF Act 1 ]