Lights zoom on the Bar. Behind it, a barman is juggling glasses , and singing ‘ O Solo Mio ‘ , out of tune. His name is Nico. A platonic flirt , and a naïve virgin Italian .
A sexy Blonde hair woman walks in ,and installs herself on one of the stools of the bar. Her name is Anika . She is sharp and witty . She plays, two main parts ,and various small roles .
An escort, when wearing a blonde wig. A waitress, when wearing a black wig . A ginger wig , when playing other small roles , such as masseuse,etc. She is wearing a décolleté low neck dress .
There is a red phone by the side of the bar . Soft music from the loudspeakers. A cuckoo clock ,indicating 2 a.m . — Nico: ‘Oh Mama Mia ‘ ! . — Anika: ‘ O like in zero or surprise ‘ ?
__ Nico: ‘ Like mama. She used to make me crème caramel, and you are la crème de la crème.
—Anika: ‘ Which one? Cream Chantilly , or double cream Gruyère ?
— Nico: ‘ The thick fatty one . Any drink Madam ?
— Anika : ‘ OHO… A screw driver . And it is Cuntessa Cou Cou from Catania . For endearment, you may call me Cous Cous .
—Nico:( while mixing her cocktail) I ‘m Nico , from Verona. Always dreamt of meeting a Contessa, and mingle with High Society. A Dolce Vita life . Plenty of orgies a la Borgia . Scusi to say so , but you are very captivating. My childhood dream was always to dance with a Contessa in cuckoo land . I have good feelings about you , in my bones .
— Anika: “ Probably of rheumatic origin , and not from clairvoyance. Tell me something about you . Are you adventurous ? Married? Rich?
— Nico: ( puts the cocktails and some canapés,amuse-bouche,on the bar )” Best cocktail in town . Vodka with orange ,and a touch of lemon,for your tonic tongue . As to me, I am as timid as a sperm whale . I have insomnia like a Dolphin . “
— Anika : ( whispering to herself) “Kill the Krill and you kill the whale . He is like a Dolphin . Kind but lacks intelligence. “
— Nico ( continuing without paying attention to what she said) “ I drink a lot . When high, I see pink elephants . I am a virgin and a platonic lover . I’d rather be a servant at my mama’s home , than a king at a Palace . We are not rich . We live in a shack . If your house is built from garbage, you don’t mind the smell of rubbish
—Anika: “ One man’s meat is another one’s onion . ‘’
—Nico: “ Not always true. I am a vegetarian and I have a pure heart . People ought to change their hearts and widen their minds ,if we want to have world peace. They say,they love you ,but think something else in their minds, ‘cause their hearts are full of hatred and envy. “.
—Anika : «’’ True but there are still some good people left.You must be anti something?’.
—Nico :(smiling) ‘I’m antipasto , and anti-queer . ‘.
—Anika : ´ People don’t like you to say things bluntly . You must disguise them with subtlety. In either case, it’s a façade for immorality. I advise you to get married and have children. Celibacy does not fetch a cent in the marriage market. Tell me something nice
—Nico: “ Would you like to dance ? “
—Anika: “ Are you a good dancer ?
— Nico: Well. I am no Fred Astaire , but I’ll try .
—Anika:: “ Are you a good lover? “.
—Nico: “ Though I come from Verona, I am no Romeo .
—Anika: “ What kind of music is this ? “.
—Nico: “ It’s a tango . It was invented by a retired highwayman. He wanted to get closer to his victims to steal their jewelry.”
—Anika: “ But nowadays, you can only steal their hearts . You barmen, like coiffeurs , people confide in you . If you want to dance, what about some money first ? “.
—Nico:( hesitating)” Well.. I am no gigolo , but I’ll take it . “.
—Anika:” You are funny . But not tonight . Do you have something funny to tell ? “.
—Nico : “ Two arabs, who did not speak English well, used to come with an Englishman to the Bar . One day, the Englishman disappeared . So, they went to the Police Station to report him missing . The officer asked them to describe him. They said, he has two asses. The surprised officer asked how did they knew that ? They said “ ‘ Cause each time ,we used to go to the Pub, the barman, used to say ‘ Here comes the Englishman with the two asses ´. ( Anika laughs , and the phone starts ringing).
Nico picks it up. A voice of the woman from the agency is heard through the loudspeakers saying :
—Voice of woman: ‘ Can I speak to Contessa Cou Cou . ‘ __ Nico ( shouting and looking around ) ‘Is there anyone by the name of Contessa CouCou? ´.
— Anika ( grabs the phone nervously and whispers ‘stupido ‘ . It’s me .
—Voice of the woman from the Agency: “ We have a job for you . It’s room 69. Be discreet. Use the stairway . If asked, tell him that you are a blue-blooded Aristocratic Contessa, and have a farm .Don’t tell him that you have Aids . “.
——- To be continued——- .