Room 69 is lit. Doorbell rings. Tonino opens the door. Anika walks in with a briefcase. She is out of breath and her outfit torn apart. A clock indicating 4a.m
— Tonino: “ What happened to you ?
—Anika ( sighing and breathing heavily) They told me to be discreet and use the stairway. They forgot to tell me, it’s on the 69th floor. There was a dog on guard .
— Tonino : “ Come come, sit on that chaise longue and catch your breast, sorry, meant your breath . My name is Tonino and I am a proud entrepreneur.I kneel to no one except to pray . ( Anika examines him from top to bottom , and then says. ).
—Anika: “ You have big shoulders. Where do you come from?
—Tonino:” From Arabia , where everything is big .
—Anika:” ( examines his fingers and hands suspiciously) . Strange that you don’t wear a ring or a watch ! Do you do that when you travel? I know many married men who do it , as soon as they board the plane . You must be married .
—Tonino: “ Oh no . God forbid . Not wearing them,means,I’m available anytime . What about you Madam.
—Anika: “ It’s Cuntessa Coucula from Romania . A distant relative of Count Dracula . I used to bathe in blood . My husband died penniless and left me a farm.
—Tonino: ( with a sad tone . He clears his throat) Sorry to hear that Contessa . What do you raise in the farm ? .
-Anika : “ A thousand cock a year , and ride Stallions . ( through the loudspeakers, you hear the sounds of galloping horses, and the cackle of chickens ) What about you ? “
—Tonino : “ I travel the world . I had my prostate removed . No fluid comes out . I have a dry orgasm . Doctors love to examine Prostates. They tell you , count from 1 to 100 . They keep their finger in….until you pass wind . I already took Viagra . Did you know , that Viagra was named after Agra’s Taj Mahal . A huge ivory white erection , standing tall and upright . A protected World Heritage .
— Anika:” I appreciate your naked frankness. Did the Viagra start to work ?
— Tonino: “ Not yet . Only a feeling of stiff upper lip. Let’s have a glass of Champagne while we wait ? ( He pops a Dom Perignon and pour it in a crystal glass and hands it ).
—Anika:” A magnum Cheer . Tell me , are you a good lover ? and how often you do it ?”. —Tonino: “ Seventy times a day !
—Anika: “ (gasping) Not possible . You’re trying to pull my leg . —
—Tonino: “ Cross my heart. Once normal,and once 69 ,makes 70. What about you ? “. —Anika: “ I do it infrequently . —
—Tonino:” You mean in frequently .Two words . ? .”
— Anika:” Sort of . All my Clientèle comes from Aristocratic Milieu . Baron Barmen, do it in an icy rock bottom way, while shaking it . An acute Count , does it at an angle of less than 90 degrees .An acupuncturist does it with a needle prick,and, I feel nothing . They are all after sex .”
—Tonino:” Do you have something else to offer ? “ .
—Anika: “ Cut the shit . Since most of my time, I am naked, I am a nudist by choice . I already made a will , that I be buried without cloth.
—Tonino:” Are your boobs real or stuffed ?
—Anika:” One real and one silicone,and you have to find , which is which . Why do you ask ? .”
—Tonino:”So it won’t blow up in my face . Let us start negotiating. What about a buck ? “.
—Anika :” Are you stark mad . Who you think I am . I will withdraw instantly. —Tonino:”What about a grand ? “.
—Anika ( speaking in slow motion) “ w e l l ..” ( Tonino cuts her before she continues).
—Tonino : “ Now that we have established the principle, let us negotiate the price. “.
—Anika:” No need for that. Here is a list ,with a price , under each position . If this is not sufficient , I have tattooed on my body ,all the positions of the Kuma Sutra .You May choose “. ( she hands him the list , and Tonino starts to read aloud. ).
—Tonino:” Scuba Diving in the pool 750 “ . — Anika:” We can go now to the Hotel pool and swim naked . No one will be there at this time .” —Tonino:” But I don’t know how to swim.”
—Anika: “ No problem. We can do it in the Bagnio bath of the Hotel ,with 20 percent discount , but if you do change position during sex,I will double the price.”
—Tonino:” Not confortable.( continuing reading) A royal Queen posture on a King’s size bed , or a King’s size posture on a Queen’s size bed. 1000 . Sounds interesting. How does it work?
———- Anika: “ I will dress you as a King and I as a Queen . I have all the costumes in my suitcase . “ What am I suppose to do? —-Anika :” All you have to do is to move with grace ,and keep saying , ‘ Sorry Lèse Majesté ‘
—- Tonino : “ But I am a fetish . Am I allowed to keep one stock on , for luck and a good fuck?
__Anika : “ Of course, if it gives you a magical charm and you don’t mind the smell.”
—Tonino :” Then let the fun begin ( both go and lie on the king size bed. The lights are dimmed to almost darkness ) —Tonino:” Would you like to scroll down and examen it ?
— Anika:” This is not a parade of the troops ( looking further down ) Oh I see , you painted it in three coloré , like the Italian flag .”.
— Tonino :” No. it’s like the three color salad , white Mozzarella ,red tomato and green avocado . You like it ? ____ Anika : “ It’s a mixture of Sport and Chinese. Two ping pong balls and half a chopstick . But I have to dress it with a protection for your own safety.”
—Tonino: “ Sorry . I will not use moulded plastic . I cannot perform, it will make it bendy —Anika: ( gets angry, takes back the condom, insert an aspirin inside it and drinks it ).
—Tonino: “ Why are you doing that?” —Anika:”’Cause you gave me a fucking headache.” ( Lights are completely off and you can only hear the voices of Anika and Tonino.). —Voice of Anika :” Come on baby ,be quick and introduce your colorful flag to my perfumed potpourri.( pause) . Pianissimo Pianissimo. “.
—Voice of Tonino:” Sorry , Lése Majesté , for the violation . “ . “ Pardonnez-moi your grace .”
— Anika: “ It’s highness”.
( To be continued.).