Room 96 is lit . Jackie is lying in bed wearing a red négligée gown. There is a two door cupboard facing her .
Time 7pm, Jackie picks up the telephone and dials the bar. A woman answers.
—-Jackie: “ Oh it’s you . What a sweet sounding voice. Can I speak to the Barman ? .
—-Voice of Waitress: “ Thank you Madam for your kind words. He just left in a hurry. I am replacing him momentarily. I will Nico be going back home in an hour. Can I help you meanwhile ? . “
— Jackie:” I wanted to order a ‘ croque monsieur sandwich . My appetite is not yet stimulated. I have an idea. In an hour , why not bring a croque monsieur and a croque madame with a bottle of champagne , and let us have a bite together.
— Voice of Waitress: “ That will be nice Madam. Will be there at 8 pm.” ( Jackie hangs the phone and goes to the shower. Lights are off. Room 96 is now in complete darkness. You only hear the sound of the running water of the shower. Suddenly the door bell rings once , followed by the sound of a click. It rings a second time , followed by a click . The door bell rings continuously for a third time.
The lights illuminate room 96 . Jackie comes out from the bathroom and goes to the door and puts her ear on the frame to listen. Repeated bangs on the door. She jolts backwards in panic. Suddenly the voice of Dick, her husband is heard through the loudspeakers.”
—voice of Dick : “ Honey . Open the door . I have a surprise for you . Changed my mind . Not travelling tonight . She opens the door , and Dick walks in, dressed as a cowboy , with hat, boot and a revolver by his side . )
— Dick : “ Oh darling . I just ate three dozens of oysters. Feel very sexy tonight .” ( He hugs his wife and carry her to the bed . He starts with foreplay by kissing her on the lips , the ears and the neck . Jackie does not respond. He remembers what Nico told him. He draws his gun and fires a shot in the air . Jackie screams .
Nico comes out of the cupboard ,with his hands raised up. “.
—-Nico: “ Don’t shoot . I surrender . “ .
— Dick: ( shocked) “ It’s you. Can’t believe my eyes . You bastard buck buddy with your cunning strategy. It’s an ambush . “
—-Nico: “ I just came in . I mixed up the timing and came an hour earlier. I swear , I did nothing …yet. Commandante , Consider me as a POW prisoner of war . “ .
—Dick : “ This is not the Geneva Convention . This is called ‘ matrimonial high treason. You insignificant mosquito . You grew horns on my privy .
I am going to shoot you to make sure that you do not cuckold other husbands . “ (. Jackie rushes towards Dick to prevent him from shooting , and in the struggle, a bullet is fired , hitting Nico between his legs . Nico falls to the floor . He puts his hand inside his pants ,searching his genitals ).
— Nico:” I can’t find them. You screw ball nutter. You castrated my manhood . “ (At the same time , THE OTHER CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS, AND TONINO COMES OUT, WITH HIS HANDS RAISED IN THE AIR. ).
—Dick:” And you too. Am I dreaming ? . Is this an orgy. What did I do to deserve all this .( He points the gun at Tonino and prepares to shoot ) .
— Tonino:” Please don’t shoot. I did nothing yet . You heard how this retarded barman mixed his timing . I just came in when he rang the bell. Your wife hid me inside the cupboard. I was just awaiting my turn. “ .
—Dick: “ You snobbish la-di-da . You Arabian mule, you just added insult to injury to my reputation. You beclouded my mind with a misty hate , and filled my heart with bitter jealousy, and you expect me to forgive you. “ .
— Tonino: “ Cool down .let us negotiate.”
—-Dick : “ It’s non negotiable. Two Paramours at the same time is too much . Look at me , you short-arse. I am taller than you ,and hold a gun.Aren’t you afraid ? “.
—-Tonino: “ It doesn’t matter how tall you are. I will still look down at you . I fear no one.”
—-Dick : “ Still belittling me down . Take this as a starter. ( with his saliva coming out of his mouth and his hand trembling, he shoots a bullet at Tonino, who falls to the ground , holding his private parts .).
—Tonino:” would it help, if I told you, I am impotent . “
—Dick: “ I am in no mood to face the naked truth . I already made you a Eunuch to teach you a lesson . You are like a cuckoo who lays his eggs in other nests . Now, no more.”
— Nico:” (crying). Would it help, if I tell you , I am homo ? “.
—-Dick: “ This old trick doesn’t work . Most women when caught with other men, always say ‘ Oh , he is a harmless homo . Now, I give you both a last chance to say your last words before I shoot . Let me start with Tonino .Do you have anything to say ? . “.
—-Tonino: “ If you shoot us both, and leave your wife, your problem is not solved. You may have to shoot many other paramours . I suggest you shoot your adulteress wife . You can always claim ‘ crime passionnel ‘ , and get out of the hook . “ .
—-Nico: “ Very true. This adulterous temptress came to the bar and seduced me . “.
—-Jackie : Don’t listen to them . Do you remember in the restaurant, what you whispered in my ear. You said that you have homo erotic tendencies. This is your opportunity. Choose one of those two ungrateful bastards . “.
—Dick : “ you are confusing me . Let me think . Since the three of you are wild beasts , you are going to play a charade , until I make up my mind . I command you Nico to start barking and Miawing at the same time’ bow – wow , miaw miaw . You Tonino start crowing ‘ cock- a-doodle -do . You , my snake wife, start hissing . ( the three start to bark miaw and hiss at the same time . ) .
— Dick: “ I made up my mind. Jackie, escort Nico to the bed and lay him on his stomach, and handcuffs him to the four posters of the bed” . ( Jackie does that . The clock indicates 8pm . The doorbell rings . Jackie opens it and the waitress walks in with the food tray.
—Waitress (surprised) “ What is going on ? “
— Dick : “ We are playing charade . Put the tray down and join us. “.
—-Tonino: “ The Charade is over. Dick , please put the revolver down . Jackie , please untie Nico. Let us all be friends and forget this brouhaha excitement . Waitress open us the Champagne ,and let us start the celebration . I promise you a convivial regal Bal masquée by the pool . You are all invited tomorrow night. All drinks on me . “.
—Dick: “ On condition , you buy me a box of blue label Whisky and I’ll spare your life. “.
—-Tonino: “ Of course . Whatever you say Commandant . You can always keep one bottle of whisky to pour it over my grave, in case you change your mind. “.
—-Dick : “ It’s a deal . I promise to pour a bottle of whisky over your grave , after it passes through my kidneys . “ .
To be continued.